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The Cycle of Abuse in Narcissistic Relationships

Understanding the Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse, Manipulation and Healing from Emotional Trauma


Man standing in a cave looking outside thru a circle opening that represents narcissistic abuse  cycle.

Understanding the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse:


The cycle of abuse in narcissistic relationships typically unfolds in four distinct stages:


  1. Idealization (Love Bombing):

    At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist showers the victim with excessive affection, admiration, and attention. This phase feels intoxicating, fostering intense emotional bonds and making the victim feel special. However, this idealization is not sustainable.


  2. Devaluation:

    Once the victim is emotionally invested, the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and emotionally distance themselves. The victim may experience confusion and self-doubt and begin to question their worth as the narcissist subtly erodes their confidence.


  3. Discard:

    During the discard phase, the narcissist may abruptly abandon or reject the victim, either physically or emotionally. This stage often leaves the victim feeling blindsided, rejected, and desperately seeking answers or closure.


  4. Hoovering:

    After some time, the narcissist may attempt to re-enter the victim's life, employing manipulation, false apologies, or promises of change. This "hoovering" stage aims to pull the victim back into the cycle, restarting the process.


Psychological Impact on Victims of Narcissistic Abuse:


The repeated cycling between affection and rejection creates trauma bonds, leaving victims feeling trapped in the relationship. Victims may experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting their perceptions. The cycle fosters confusion as the victim clings to the hope of returning to the idealization phase.


Why the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Repeats:


Narcissists crave control and validation, perpetuating the cycle to satisfy their emotional needs. On the victim's side, cognitive dissonance, fear of abandonment, and hope for change often prevent them from breaking free.


Breaking Free from the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle:


Recognizing the stages of narcissistic abuse is the first step in escaping the cycle. Victims can benefit from seeking therapy, building strong support systems, and setting firm boundaries. Developing self-awareness and engaging in self-compassion are vital aspects of healing. By prioritizing mental health and personal growth, victims can gradually break free and reclaim their lives.


Breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse requires courage, self-reflection, and support. Awareness is a powerful tool, enabling victims to take control and prioritize their emotional well-being. Healing is possible, and every step taken toward recovery is empowering.




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The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. We are not licensed clinicians, mental health professionals, lawyers, or legal advisors. For any concerns regarding mental health or personal situations, please seek advice from a qualified professional. For more details, please read our full disclaimer. 

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