How Narcissists Use Bait and Switch When Negotiating Legal Agreements

Manipulation in Legal Agreements Negotiations: How Narcissists Set Traps and Change Terms to Gain Control

Legal agreements are intended to provide clarity and fairness in resolving disputes, but when dealing with a narcissist, the process can become a psychological and emotional battlefield. Narcissists use the "bait-and-switch," a manipulative strategy where they initially present an attractive offer or fair negotiation terms, only to change the deal at the last moment. This tactic is designed to confuse, exhaust, and gain control over the other party while keeping them on the defensive.

Narcissists view legal agreements not as a way to resolve conflicts but as an opportunity to manipulate, control, and punish their opponents. This behavior is typical in divorce settlements, child custody cases, business negotiations, and financial settlements. Understanding how narcissists use bait-and-switch tactics can help you prepare, protect yourself, and avoid falling into their trap.

Understanding the Narcissist’s Mindset in Legal Agreements Negotiations

A narcissist's primary goal in any legal negotiation is control. They do not engage in talks to reach a fair resolution; instead, they seek to manipulate the process to serve their agenda. Here’s how their mindset works:

Illusion of Cooperation: At the start, they may appear reasonable and cooperative, making it seem like they are willing to compromise.
Power and Control: They see legal agreements as a way to maintain dominance over their opponent.
Winning at All Costs: They will do whatever it takes to "win," even if it means dragging out proceedings, increasing costs, or causing emotional distress.
Gaslighting and Confusion: They often rewrite history, denying previous agreements or making the other party feel like they misunderstood the terms.

Narcissists maintain the upper hand throughout the legal process by keeping their target in a state of uncertainty.

The Bait-and-Switch Tactic: How It Works

The bait-and-switch method follows a predictable pattern. Understanding these steps can help you identify and counteract them.

Step 1: The "Bait" – Offering a Fair or Attractive Deal

At first, the narcissist may present a reasonable offer, making it seem like they are willing to compromise. This could be in the form of:

Agreeing to a 50/50 asset split in a divorce.
Promising equal parenting time in a custody case.
Offering fair terms in a business contract.
Expressing willingness to settle outside of court to save time and money.

This stage aims to lower the other party’s defenses and create a false sense of security.

Step 2: The "Switch" – Changing the Terms Last Minute

Once the other party has emotionally or financially invested in the negotiation process, the narcissist suddenly changes their position. Common ways they do this include:

Pulling out of an agreement at the last minute and demanding new terms.
Changing the conditions significantly in a way that benefits them.
Using stalling tactics to delay proceedings and increase frustration.
Refusing to sign finalized documents after agreeing to them verbally.

At this point, the other party feels trapped—either they accept the new, unfair terms or face a prolonged and costly legal battle.

Step 3: Gaslighting and Denial

When confronted about the switch, the narcissist will often:

Deny ever agreeing to the original terms.
Accuse the other party of misinterpreting the agreement.
Blame their lawyer or outside influences for the sudden change.
Play the victim, making it seem like they are the ones being mistreated.

This phase is designed to disorient the other party, making them question their memory, motives, and legal standing.

Common Scenarios Where Narcissists Use Bait-and-Switch in Legal Settings

1. Divorce Settlements

Example: A narcissistic spouse agrees to an equal division of assets. However, just before signing, they demand a much larger portion, claiming that the other party contributed less to the marriage.

2. Child Custody Agreements

Example: The narcissist initially agrees to shared custody but later insists on full custody, arguing that the other parent is "unfit"—even though nothing has changed.

3. Business Contracts

Example: A narcissist in a business deal agrees to specific terms in writing. Later, they refuse to follow through, claiming that "circumstances have changed" and pushing for new conditions that disproportionately benefit them.

4. Mediation & Settlements

Example: During mediation, a narcissist agrees to settle out of court. However, once their opponent stops pursuing legal action, they withdraw their offer and restart negotiations under worse terms.

The Psychological Impact on Victims

Victims of bait-and-switch tactics often experience:

Confusion and Self-Doubt: They may question their memory and judgment.
Financial Drain: Repeated legal battles increase costs.
Emotional Exhaustion: Constant manipulation leads to stress, anxiety, and burnout.
Fear of Retaliation: The unpredictability of the narcissist creates ongoing fear and uncertainty.

How to Protect Yourself from a Narcissist’s Bait-and-Switch

Get Everything in Writing—Never rely on verbal agreements. Ensure all negotiations are documented. Don't trust that the narcissist will not change language to favor themselves without revealing it.
Use a strong legal team – Work with attorneys experienced in handling high-conflict cases.
Establish Clear Boundaries – Limit direct communication; use email or legal intermediaries.
Expect Manipulation – Be prepared for sudden changes and deception.
Leverage Court Orders – Ensure agreements are legally binding and enforceable to prevent manipulation.

Bait-and-switch tactics in legal negotiations can be frustrating, disorienting, and financially draining. Narcissists use these strategies to maintain control and keep their opponents at a disadvantage. Recognizing these manipulative patterns is the first step in protecting yourself. If you are facing legal negotiations with a narcissist, working with experienced professionals and staying firm in your boundaries can help you navigate the process while minimizing stress and losses.

The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. We are not licensed clinicians, mental health professionals, lawyers, or legal advisors. For any concerns regarding mental health or personal situations, please seek advice from a qualified professional. For more details, please read our full disclaimer.