Dating? Recognize the Very Early Signs of Narcissism

Early warning signs of narcissism can be detected on first dates if one knows what to look for. Narcissists often exhibit an exaggerated charm and charisma, using a "sales pitch" approach to make themselves appear attractive. They may flaunt their looks, wealth, or status symbols and will often speak loudly or flatter excessively to draw attention. Their behavior is characterized by objectification—they see others primarily for their utility, like admiration or access to resources. Narcissists may subtly convey a sense of entitlement, including their approach to physical touch and intimacy, which often comes across as controlling or overly aggressive. Observing these behaviors early can help someone avoid entanglement with a narcissistic partner.

Beyond charm and objectification, narcissists frequently display insecurity masked by a need for safety and control. They avoid feedback, may speak disparagingly of former partners, and could react defensively or angrily to any challenge to their self-image. Over time, they often manipulate their partner’s emotions, displaying jealousy, giving the silent treatment, or projecting their own flaws onto others. Narcissists need power and control in relationships, using manipulative tactics like love-bombing or leveraging affection to maintain dominance. Recognizing these patterns, such as their tendency to bend rules and a lack of empathy, can help people identify narcissists early and protect themselves from potential harm.

Patricia Hawley, Ph.D., is a full professor at Texas Tech University. She researches how power and inequity manifest in groups.