Checklist: Avoiding a Narcissistic Partner

Checklist: Identifying Traits in Relationships with a Narcissist

1. They are generally likable (at first).

   Narcissists often present a charming, engaging persona when you first meet them. This initial phase is part of their strategy to draw people in and build trust quickly. Their confidence and charisma can make them appear attractive and influential.

   
   

2. They tend to be nicer to strangers than those close to them.

   Narcissists prioritize external validation. They put on their best face for acquaintances or strangers, seeking admiration and approval. In contrast, they may show indifference or hostility toward those they consider less useful for their image or personal gain.

   
   

3. They like to talk about themselves and name-drop.

   Conversations often revolve around their achievements, connections, or experiences. Narcissists use these stories to impress others and assert superiority, frequently exaggerating or embellishing details to enhance their status.

   
   

4. They will inflate themselves at the expense of others.

   To maintain a sense of superiority, narcissists diminish those around them. This can manifest through subtle put-downs, condescending remarks, or outright humiliation, all aimed at making others feel less competent or valuable.

   
   

5. Their stories are about success, or touch on entitlement and victimization.

   Narcissists frame themselves as either exceptional achievers or unfairly persecuted victims. This duality reinforces their sense of entitlement, painting a narrative where they deserve special treatment or sympathy.

   
   

6. Their words don't match their actions.

   Narcissists often make promises they don't intend to keep. They might say one thing but consistently act in ways that contradict their words, leaving those around them confused or betrayed. Trust deteriorates as their inconsistencies become apparent.

   
   

7. Appearance is everything, and they react strongly to criticism.

   Their self-worth is tightly linked to how others perceive them. Any criticism, even constructive, may provoke defensiveness, denial, or retaliatory behavior. They might go to great lengths to protect their image, often lashing out at those they feel are threatening it.

   
   

8. They never say "sorry" unless they are being sarcastic.

   Genuine apologies are rare. Narcissists view admitting fault as a sign of weakness, so they avoid taking responsibility. If they do apologize, it’s often insincere, sarcastic, or used as a manipulation tactic to shift blame or end a confrontation.

   
   

9. Problems are because of someone else – they take credit, but cast blame.

   Narcissists will claim success for anything positive but quickly deflect blame when things go wrong. They rarely acknowledge their role in conflicts or failures, choosing to scapegoat others to preserve their flawless self-image.

   
   

10. They are quick to anger if exposed to "facts" that don't fit their worldview or personal narrative.

    Narcissists resist feedback that challenges their version of reality. When confronted with facts or perspectives that conflict with their self-image, they may react with rage, denial, or personal attacks to maintain control and avoid self-reflection.

This checklist can help you recognize and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals, fostering awareness and promoting healthier boundaries.

The basis for this Checklist is from an article by Larry Donahue at the Law4SmallBusiness Blog entitled Avoiding a Narcissistic Partner - Law 4 Small Business (L4SB).